much and remember just how GOOD pigs in blankets are (veggie ones are good
the New Year and the parties to celebrate surviving another crazy year. 2016
sounds kind of out of this world, doesn’t it? I mean, the world was apparently
ending in 2012 according to the Mayan’s. Yet here we are, 3 years later and
still in tact.
isn’t it crazy how much can happen in a year? How much you can change? It’s so
clichéd, so funny of how quite frankly obvious
this thought is, but damn a year makes a difference. It makes such a
difference, as I know you now glancing back at your year are coming to the same
was very scared, very tired and a little bit damaged. She had a lot of
unhappiness she trudged about with day after day, yet she couldn’t see how
unhappy she was. She had a new world to explore and she did. I’m incredibly
proud of Old Lou, the darling of my year as 18. She put up with a lot of sh*t
and she came out the other side okay. She wasn’t perfect, she wasn’t happy but
she started to grab life back after months in the dark.
they were comfortingly delivered by one human to another in one of the most
unlikeliest places you’d gain words of wisdom. These words sit in the crook of
my elbow, proudly on show for anyone to see. STICK WITH WHAT YOU LOVE. I’m
happy to say that’s exactly what I’ve done this past year. What may have seemed
like madness to my parents, I’ve kept writing even if I have no income from it.
With a little help from BIG MAGIC, the final piece of the puzzle has slotted
itself in when it concerns creativity.
opening up a can of worms she had kept closed and hidden for far too many
months. Old Lou would run into Nostalgia and have a coffee or two, when she
should have kept walking with her head down. She would sit around, an itch
under her skin she couldn’t remove but obstinately shaking her head about doing
anything about it.
2015 Old Lou packed her bags and ran to London, randomly and suddenly. She blew
her savings travelling the tube, getting off at stops she had heard of before
with no plan to put into action. She walked around and around, Chelsea one day
at The Good Life Eatery and then a creaky coffee shop in Shoreditch. She sat by
the Thames in the freezing cold, wearing clothes shed never dare to at home and
chatted to strangers as they passed or if they sat down. She would return to
her cousins flat feeling at home. Old
Lou was starting to slowly shed her skin and turn into Progress Lou, Happier
Lou, Freedom Lou. She was starting to see the world was hers to take, no matter
what worries had plagued her before. No longer was she listening to her catty
schoolgirl comments, her ex’s doubts, her friends disbelieving laughter or her
families hesitance. She was realising ‘HEY.
I CAN DO WHAT THE FUCK I WANT WITH MY LIFE. IT’S MINE TO CREATE.’
fierce protectiveness. She had no idea how much would be changing for her. She
didn’t even put that thought into her head as she made her way home from
university for Christmas. And frankly, she never knew how awesome she was as a
person; how fucking SMART she is, how quick witted and self assured she could
be when she opened her mouth.
are; smart and brave, funny and silly, a real thinking, breathing human being
with so many possibilities. It might not seem like it now; you might be
scoffing at my words because you don’t believe you can shed the skin you’re in.
You might have got yourself into a rut without realising you’re 4 feet down
from everyone else. That’s okay. We all have our moments we have no clue what
we’re doing, or no idea when it will just stop hurting. When that ache will stop making itself more prominent in
the cold and how our hands need something to grasp. We don’t know how dark life
has been until someone flicks on a light and heaves us up from the floor. It’s
coming. The light’s coming to you soon, I swear.
child, I loved receiving approval or words of encouragement like all children
do. But I wouldn’t believe I was worth these words, because I never really saw
myself as someone who could succeed, be at the top and get to be that girl. I was always self conscious
of my laugh, how enthusiastic I could get and in the process, get so lost in a
land of make believe I’d forget what I’d be saying or doing an then worry late
at night over how weird I had been
that day. Nothing defining in my behaviour, nothing worrying at all. Just a
little girl who held insecurities, before she could even spell insecurity.
‘this is happiness. This is me making a difference to myself’ I write it down
to look back on; because a year is 365 days long and 365 days is a lot of
hours. I could forget in a low moment how much better my mental health is, how
I treat myself with a bit more kindness and how good I am the winter of 2015.
year, lets try fill 2016 with some good moments. And if you think things can’t
really get better, know in comfort that your light switch is coming. Until
then, make room for the changes you might be feeling. Let them stretch out and
try walking, give them attention and love if you feel comfortable with the
changes. If you aren’t, don’t feel afraid to squish them back down and chuck
them out your bedroom window. You don’t
have to be stuck with things you don’t want. You get to choose.
thoughts that have helped me become more settled and let Old Lou get to a
better place. I hope they’ll help you. And if you have a book that’s helped
you, let me know about it! Leave a comment below or grab me on Twitter
things haven’t gone to plan, remember you made it through the winter of 2014.
Remember that 18 year old you got through a lot of nasty things and came out
the other side feeling like she’d been reborn. And remember to take a few
moments to yourself. Get reading the books I know you want to reread, grab your
camera or even just sit and listen to music. Remember sitting in your kitchen
smiling because you hadn’t made it, not even close. But damn kid, you’re
getting closer. I’m proud of you, no matter how cheesy it is to say.