Am I A Bad Feminist?

Women of our own, and past,
generations have grown up with the mind-set of competition. Is this competition
of studies? Sport? Business? Intellect?
No. It’s just between other
women for being women; more precisely competing for a man and his affections.
The strangest part of this ludicrous mentality you might not know, is that
often women aren’t truly attracted to these men they’re attempting to
‘catch’.  No I’m not telling you that you’re being played by a girl, PU-LEASE don’t get ahead of yo’self sir/ma’am. Let’s think of the
concept of the ‘ideal man’. In this time of the human race, we have our own
‘types’ we’re attracted too. Beards or no beards, man buns or short back and
sides, tall or small, Italian or French or maybe American, workaholic or
gymaholic and so on. Some we can Netflix and Chill with, travel to artsy places
or crush workouts together. It really is hugely different. And women as a whole
don’t have a set way of behaviour. I think this is mainly being down to the
variety of different ways we have been raised, while boys were raised knowing
they were important and capable. Girls not so much – some women have been
brought up having been told they can do exactly what the boys at school are
doing, which is so fantastic, those parents who taught them so are pioneers of
their generation. However some girls were not acknowledged to be powerful,
strong humans just those who lined up outside the ‘BOYS’ sign at primary
school.
Now back to the ‘ideal man’.
This was (I hope) once long ago the notion of marrying a man who could provide
for his wife; he was successful, highly paid and usually admired in the society
he was placed in. He probs came from a good family and was considered a good
‘match’ like he was a snap card. These men could have had tens of girls running after him in one town.
Think Queen’s Elizabeth the 1st’s court; she had girls who waited on
her and provided company, ultimately sent to court by their families to find a
good husband. Or think of the opening line in Jane Austen’s Pride
and Prejudice
IT is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single
man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife”.
Perhaps
your grandparents have pressed you to find a ‘suitable’ gentleman to settle
down with. Nauseatingly, maybe even your parents. Eek. This mentality of
‘finding’ a man, marrying said man and then living, what’s it again? Oh yeah, happily ever after. I want to blame
Disney for this bullshit, but sadly as Queen Lizzie the 1st shows,
it’s been around a while.  Boo.
So this idea of competition
between women, young girls especially according to news outlets, is so
downright mind boggling I found myself actually admitting to suffering from some
girl-on-girl competition. And that shocked me, because I pride myself on being
a feminist and firm believer in girl power. Does this make me a bad feminist? To
view women at times as competition? This past year we’ve had Taylor Swift’s
#SQUADGOALS running rampant, articles on amazing women around the world who
have overcome incredible obstacles, the rise of #strongnotskinny and the rise
of blogger girl bosses. But, we still have girl on girl hate and the
Competition Mentality, the bitchiness of high school still remaining but it’s mutating into URL instead of good of fashioned IRL. Not following me? Okay we’ll play a mini game
of sorts.
   When you walk down the street and pass
another girl, what is your automatic response? Do you mentally slag off what
she looks like, what she’s wearing, how she’s behaving? Yeah? That’s a little
bit of girl hate there. You might not be 100% aware this is your automatic
response of course, because it’s obvs automatic. And your brain is going it’s
own little things its been trained to do. Which is kinda scary because like,
you’ve trained your brain to
automatically put down random girls you pass everyday? Doesn’t have to be IRL, you could be thinking of put downs as you scroll your Twitter or Insta feed – “UGH why is Gretchen moaning again? Her tweets are soOoOooo embarrassing.”
When we do this, we’re trying
to make ourselves feel better because we either a) see this girl as a threat
and must make her seem less, b) we’re really insecure because she’s so flawless
so there’s GOT to be a catch, right? Or c) we have to be better than any other
girls we don’t know because we have to be the most important/smart/best
dressed/skinniest/prettiest at every social event. And if we aren’t, we feel
like a frump and a failure. A Failure Frump. How sad does that sound? Like a
disappointed baby elephant. And we don’t want to be baby elephants that feel
put out – we want to be the super sexy cheetahs that everyone is watching as
they slink into the room. Like Rihanna or Megan Fox; Lord help my ego if I am
ever in the same room as Rihanna. But let’s think about all of this.
 So this put down might be
automatic, but that doesn’t mean it has to stay that way. Question just WHY
you’re thinking negatively about a girl you may or may not know. Are you
feeling insecure? Do you value your appearance over everything else? Does she
seem to have her life together in a fantastic outfit, while you’re coming back
from the gym? Have you ate recently? Just say after me WHO CARES! THAT GIRL
PROBABLY ROCKS AND IS REALLY A NICE PERSON, SO STOP GIVING HER DIRTY LOOKS
ACROSS THE STREET/BUS/TRAIN/ROOM {circle the most correct location}. PLUS
YOU’RE GREAT. NO OTHER HUMAN HAS YOUR FINGERPRINTS OR DNA. NO ONE LOOKS LIKE YOU.
NO ONE ELSE HAS THE SAME BRAIN OR AMBITION OR MEMORIES. HOW COOL IS THAT?
THAT’S SO COOL. IN A WORLD OF 7.125
BILLION HUMANS.
   I left high school and realised I had both
been putting effort into negative energy as well being around a lot of Negative
Nancys, Nellies and Nickis. So I cut my shitty attitude and have been
working on it since, because even sometimes when I’ve had a crappy day my brain
will want to play this silly game to distract me from the stuff I’ve gotta work
on. I won’t get further with the stuff I want to do spending a few minutes
mocking someone in my head, so it makes it dumb and badass women don’t do dumb things that waste their precious time. And I cut
off the Negative N’s, because honestly if I heard one more complaint about
someone’s hair, boy decisions or seating choice I was going to have to do a
double Van Gogh on myself.
So yeah. Girl on girl hate
isn’t very nice or forward thinking. It’s just ugly. And what did dear old
Roald Dahl said? “If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when
that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets
uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it. A person who has
good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked
mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it
will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”
The proudest thing I’ve done these
past few months/years is supporting girls and women. No matter what it is,
no matter what she chose or decided not to do, I’ve supported her. Those are MY
girls. And they are YOUR girls. YOUR GIRLS. Support women, help them become
stronger on the weight rack or ask them for help, give a girl a hand in class
or pipe up with a question for her. Help them, and yourself, become stronger both
mentally and physically. They’re the girls of tomorrow, because no matter what,
it might feel all too much like a man’s world right now but the future is
female. And I’m proud of how much I bring my fellow women up, how I speak up
when someone’s slagging someone else off for no reason, because this day and every day after I will be backing my fellow girls.
  They need it. Not because they’re weaker. But because they are not
getting an equal voice in this world. You
wanna play fair? Get equal numbers on the teams then. And support your girls.
All the love,
Lou x

Want to send an email? Contact louisenicoleramsay@gmail.com
Twitter; @LouiseRamsay_
Instagram; @LouRamsayX
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9 Responses to Am I A Bad Feminist?

  1. Anna Myers says:

    Loved loved loved this. You write so beautifully, and this is exactly what I've come to terms with a few years ago -literally changed my life. Hear hear, world! 😉 Anna xx

  2. Nicole Marie says:

    I loved this post so much Lou! I think it's really important to support other women and girls out there! In the blogging online world I don't catch myself getting involved within any girl on girl hate however in the real world, if someone is not nice to someone else or me I automatically hate them and start thinking of every possible thing I don't like about them! Admittedly, it's people in my work placement for college as they aren't that nice to me! Haha! But you know you catch my drift! Xxx

    http://thriftyvintagefashion.blogspot.co.uk/

    • louramsay says:

      Thank you so much Nicole! You absolute angel; it's so important to support other women! It can be so difficult to do so with so many conflicting messages being given out, but it's getting your head out of this mindset. I'm sorry those people aren't nice to you, don't let them bother you at all. Just keep doing your wonderful, positive thing <3

  3. Abi b says:

    This is something I've been trying to work on myself. I never physically say horrible things aloud, but I can't deny that automatic negative response happens every now and again. And it's awful to think these things, but like you say we've trained our brains into it and we've gotta retrain them out of it!
    I really enjoyed reading this, thanks so much for posting.
    Abi x

    lifewithbicks.blogspot.co.uk

    • louramsay says:

      Thank you so much Abby, I'm glad you enjoyed it! It's really hard mindset to train yourself out of, I still have moments but it's recognising these thoughts and deciding to stop them that helps decrease them! I hope it helps x

  4. OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU

  5. Pingback: 19 THINGS I’VE LEARNT IN 19 YEARS | Predicaments of Lou

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