And Emotions are tricky things.
I grew up thinking happiness was a state of being that would remain with me. Maybe you thought so to, growing up happily ever after.
it’s been a while I’ve sat and read for long periods of time, but with Becoming I can’t stop reading. I have to put it down every once in a while because I don’t want to stop reading it. It feels precious, like every thought or emotion I’ve had since having my heart broken at 16 matters. I didn’t think it mattered. Because I was young. And then I felt it all again at 17 and 19, with the same boy, and it’s still the same heartbreak over and over again.
The thing about Becoming, is that I was finally told that being heartbroken mattered. That the period of healing mattered, and that it isn’t always two weeks and a vodka swig away.
lot like my own becoming. (You can get Becoming here, on Amazon).
I think we get caught up in thinking we both do matter, and don’t matter.
In terms of social media, we want approval or to be seen through likes on a picture. And like, there’s nothing shameful about it. But we feel this shame. We feel we have to make ourselves smarter or cooler, when really we’re just existing like other people are existing and that’s all there is to it. There’s work and peoples lives and advertising, all penetrating our bubble but like. There’s more than that. And there’s sounding wank on the internet because everyone is a cynic and looking out to make the first laugh, to get retweets and that’s funny. It is, it is but also there’s talking.
And being honest, being open, having someone listen and reply to you. And you will sound wanky, even writing this might strike you as wanky but everyone gets wanky. If you cut out the part of you that goes on about it, you get to the other stuff. The deeper stuff. The important life stuff.
myself. And since this heartbreak happened during high school (I’m 20) then to a lot of people it didn’t matter. It was brushed under the carpet, even by me because I got sick of hearing myself.
I got sick of trying to work it all out when I didn’t yet have the tools to understand.
I just want to work out my own Becoming.